Sunday, July 19, 2015

And Single Guys Go to Weddings…Why?

I haven’t gone to a wedding since June of 2006. Nine years and counting, and no weddings under my belt. One reason is simply because all the guys I know are single and can’t find anybody, and another reason is that the handful of women I know are already married and if they have gotten married in recent years, I wasn’t invited to said wedding (no surprise there) and I of course would not have gone anyway under any circumstances, whatsoever, bar none.

The ’06 wedding was in a decent small town north-northwest of Birmingham, Alabama, called Jasper. Two other close friends of mine also attended, but they went in a separate vehicle because I took a solo road trip—one of many over the years—the day after the wedding. The friend getting married, Russ, had been a very close and dear friend of me and another who attended, Phil, for about two and a half years; we had tons in common and the chemistry with us three together was so incredible, so spontaneous, so magical, that people all around us would stop, smile and shake their heads in wonder and fascination. We even had gorgeous girls after us, sometimes just walking up to us, begging to go out with us; we couldn’t because they were all underage, though. Curse these ridiculous, outmoded laws! Anyway, we did tons of projects and great stuff together; just a great trio of close friendship and networking.

After spending most of his life from college to young adult life totally single and ignored, Russ actually found somebody in the most supernatural, holy-inspired ways that can be thought of; although 98% of men never have a soul mate, it is certain that Russ actually found one. We were all very happy for him as he found somebody when all around us were lonely single men who couldn’t even get a date. So I and two other friends drove the 11-hour trip from north central Florida to Russ’ hometown of Jasper to go to his wedding at a small church:


We had sort a small bachelor party for Russ at the hotel, and then the next day we went to the wedding, subsequent reception, and had some pictures taken, and…


…and that was it. That was the official end of the close friendship of us and Russ. Done. C’est fini in one day.

Russ accidentally got his bride pregnant on their wedding night…and she was on birth control! So immediately Russ became “family man,” and got immersed in the “family culture,” meeting more married men and their babies and children. Gone were Phil and me and any other non-married guy that his uber-religious, prudish wife disapproved of her husband hanging around with, not that it mattered, because he had written us off immediately after his wedding regardless. The couple have since had another kid, and from what I’ve been told, all they do is talk about their family and their marriage and keep close to only other married with kids couples in their small circle of life. Sad. Amazing how quickly Russ threw away the single life and the single guys he knew and liked for such a long time.

Marriages destroy friendships. Don’t doubt it. Don’t deny it. Don’t ignore the elephant in the room. What happened to Phil and I happens every week across North America.

So why do you, single young men 18 to 35, go to weddings? Seriously, why? Rhetorical question. There are a few reasons why and they all end in failure. Many guys actually think that they will find somebody at a wedding! HAHAHAHAHA!! They watched the Vince Vaughn/Owen Wilson movie “Wedding Crashers” from ‘05 and think that’s real life: going to weddings and getting laid by all the supposed horny women there who are just naturally looking for a man to bang for a one-night stand. Maybe if you’re as tall as Vince Vaughn you might stand a chance, but even then, it’s seriously doubtful. Fact is, you WILL NOT find anybody at a wedding anymore; maybe some years in the past, but not nowadays. No good guy finds anybody anywhere anymore, for Christ’s sake, let alone weddings! The bridesmaids aren’t even maids anymore; they’re either married or have bad boys in the audience or at home, banging some coked-out strippers they met the night before while the “bridesmaids” were out at the bachelorette orgy…I mean party. Weddings are now made up primarily of other married couples, all pretending to be happily hitched when they are just months, if not weeks away from a divorce. The rest are women who have somebody and then a smattering of lonely single men who end of feeling more miserable and more alone after the ceremony. I can’t tell you how many men I’ve known over the years who have gone to weddings and come back in tears, feeling so alone, unwanted and unloved as most people there were couples and the tiny number of non-married women ignored them.

Another reason why men punish and torture themselves by going to weddings is that they feel obligated to go, obliged to attend, because of people they know who are either the ones getting married or are going to be in the wedding, or even just attend. First off, guys, you are NOT obligated in any way to attend a wedding if you feel uncomfortable about it. If you disapprove of the marriage or just don’t really want to take part in a ceremony like that, then fucking don’t go!! I seriously doubt that the people who invited you will really notice if you are there or not; you’ll just be a face in the crowd, just another number. And if you are asked as to why you aren’t going, just say you aren’t comfortable with it or that, as a single man, you just don’t like weddings. Be truthful. Don’t mince words.

If the person you know getting married is a man, and if you disagree with his whore of choice (as you probably will be), you may have to just break the truth to the guy that you don’t condone the marriage and you don’t think it’s a good thing. If you are friends with said dude, I have to admit that this could very well put a strain on your friendship, I’m not going to lie. But you have to ask yourself if this is the kind of guy you want as a friend, one who makes very bad choices when it comes to the woman who will eventually divorce him and take at least half of his life earnings. Having piece of mind by not attending a marriage ceremony is, I believe, worth the risk of alienating yourself to just one person.

If the person you know getting married is a woman, well, this is an obvious one! Don’t even think about going to her wedding and feel no guilt about it at all! Has this gal ever hooked you up with women to bang? Nope! Has she ever fucked you? Nope! Has she ever told you places where women are who want to bang good guys such as yourself? Nope! Has she in any way been a real friend to you? Nope! Is she going to bang you on the side while she’s married? Nope! So why go to her wedding? She obviously couldn’t care less about you and as we all know, she’s just latching on to a guy so she can divorce him and rob him blind. So don’t endorse her errant and warped behavior. Going to her wedding is a pure, brazen endorsement of her and her marriage; by going, you are screaming out, “I think this is great! There’s nothing at all wrong with this!” even if you feel otherwise. Don’t be such a pussy by giving in to such nonsense.

Guys, don’t ever, ever, ever, think that you have to go to weddings. Just don’t. Do something else instead, anything. Just don’t go. You will feel so much better if you don’t attend, and nobody will notice that you’re not there. Respect yourselves, men. And if you know other single men who are thinking about going to a ceremony, greatly encourage them to not go as well; what would be awesome is for single guys to all get together somewhere instead of being at the wedding! Have dignity with yourself and don’t do something just because you think that you will somehow gain brownie points by doing so, because you will not. You’ll just be yet another simp, yet another mangina, yet another White Knight, a coward who just digs himself deeper in frustration and depression. Boycott weddings, guys! Trust me. Don’t be that guy. Just avoid it all.

By the way, the only good thing I got out of Russ’ wedding in Jasper was a mildly-attractive woman (who of course had a kid and sure wasn’t paying attention to us single guys) who was sitting behind me eating at the reception and her lucky thong was peeking out of her long, thin dress. I turned around and quietly took a couple of pics. Here’s one:

I also knew a really hot woman in Jasper named Cindy and we met up a year later there, but nothing much happened. She turned to be seriously psycho a year later; hot, but dangerously mentally unstable. No surprise there.