Hello, everyone. I'm still around. I appreciate all who read my blogs and encourage you all to read more of them if you haven't already. But I haven't written anything for two whole years now. Here's why:
My beloved mother and best friend died on August 16th, 2019, at just 64 years old. She was my absolute everything, my soulmate, in a way. When you're short, fat and bald and 39 years old, you know full well that nothing you do will ever get females your age or younger to ever want you, so you simply don't try. My mom was the only female who ever loved me, ever cared for my heart and feelings. Words can't describe the utter pain and grief I have endured with her devastating loss, as well as the several months leading up to her untimely and possibly preventable illness and death. Although she was apparently getting sick possibly as early as late 2017, it wasn't fully noticable for another year. She lived right next door to me for over ten years, so I saw her every single day of my life. My father lives 45 minutes from me and has been useless for most of my adult life, so my mom was my absolute everything. Now I just work 40 hours a week (I'm considered essential personnel, so COVID19 has no effect on my work), then I just sit home alone and grieve. I have little motivation anymore to do anything but go to work and then be lazy around my house when I'm not working.
I'm going to start using this blog to publish my feelings, my utter despair and heartbreak, and maybe it can help others while providing a desperately needed outlet for my crippling sadness I now have. Hopefully it will help me and you. Getting motivated to even post this update took a lot, but I'm hoping later this year, I'll start posting my blogs, all dealing with loss and death of a loved one. Thanks for reading.
